After thousands of second chances i gave him and he broke my heart each time,now i felt like stupid person.Letting my self into a endless stupid love story..which in the story im the victim...

  Sometimes or maybe all the time i have this envy towards my friends who have a long-term relationship,,some of them are not so happy even after a long time being a couple.Just like <A>,,she have a long term relationship but she was not happy i can tell that..her dump ass boyfriend have make her sad over again kinda like my own story huh?but she never fight  
back.She swallow it down deep her deepest heart..Why would't she fight back,why she did't say anything,why did she make everything seem alright and fake a smile??

   Those question was played in my mind again and again like a broken tape.And somehow i got the courage to ask her..She told me because she love him,she cannot bear with the fact of losing him.

Her answer does not make me happy,satisfied or even sad.I cannot tell how i felt somehow.The thing that i playing in my mind was ''does my love for him is not that strong,is not that solid,or did i even really love him??godd,,i cannot bear the fact that actually did not love him,,if i did not love him then what in the world that i felt towards him??..If i love him so much why can't i be like <A>??

Can someone answer me,,pleasee even the dumbest answer i'll will accept..

I still remember how i got the strength to throw away all his stuff.I got the courage from Sara Joe.I read Sara Joe's blog about her broken long term relationship..she accept it calmly and she gave such a motivating words.She said things happen as time passes..I dont't even know what to think when i first break up with him.After reading this at first i accept the fact calmly and wisely...

  But now the "What If" game keep making my head tired."What if he does the same thing again?what if he just want to play you?what if he have hundreds of mistrees out there?what if im not that important to him?what if all his words is just a lie?"

Damn.I cannot think straight now..maybe there a meaning behind this all.May Allah show me the right path to be chosen :')

I promise you you'll never can understand a me Love me? Great. Hate me? Even better. Don't know me? Don't judge me. Think you know me? You have no idea. Don't ever talk to me like you think you know me or what i've been through, I am nothing like you.“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” / Its going to be sucks without youguys on my side..A flower may die! The sun may set! But a friend like you i'll never forget! Your names is precious! It will never grow old ! written on my heart in letters of gold! Sometimes I can get so angry,so sad,too moody even to talk.Most of the time me myself can't even explain what Im being like that.Then,klik!Yes im being like that because Im full with emotion..Can't stand me?Get te fuck off my life :